Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
