Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
