discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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