I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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