I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
