i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
