Redeem this text for a blowjob
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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