Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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