is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
