9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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