just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
