Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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