my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Panties = found
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
