i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
