before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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