you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
