I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
