All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
