He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
