oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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