We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
