dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
