I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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