i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
