Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
True college students do jello shots in the library
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
