I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
