Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
