Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
