Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
