My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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