hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
