Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
