I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
