Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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