I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
