oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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