Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
