The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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