When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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