she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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