I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
