Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
