Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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