Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
