I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
