so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
