if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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