i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she smelled like a LAN party
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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