I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
