dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
