I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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