I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
