Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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